Things I Learnt While Working At A Toys "R" Us Over A Weekend

1. Barbie is a whore who's made her millions roleplaying sex fantasies(sexy computer engineer, hello?) for trust-fund douchebags, i.e. Ken

2.Infant gyms are an excuse for parents to pretend their babies are action figures and play make believe with other parents for a few hours

3. Kids will stare at you if you play with the toys on display

3.1. A 6 year old can have a surprisingly hurtful cockstare

4. Kids can leave the house in glittery fairy wings and no one cares. I do it and I get stopped by the cops.

5. A tranformer toy that transforms itself is pointless

6.The line "Darling its better, down where it's wetter" from Little Mermaid's Under The Sea is a dirty dirty line when taken out of context. Moreso if you add the fact thats its being sung by a crab.

(thanks to michelle for that childhood raping gem)

7. Toys "R" Us staff are all either dead inside, or have the mental firmament of Jesus Christ himself.

8. If I ever have a kid, all he/she's getting are Lego's or books till they're old enough to have impulse control.

9. Stuffed animals with simulated bone structures are fucking creepy. Period.

10. If push came to shove I could justify buying an RM 500 AT-AT model as a social welfare donation i.e. it soothes my inner child thus preventing it from waking up in the middle of the night and killing vagrants.

11."MOMMY I WANT THAT MOMMY I WANT THAT MOMMY I WAAAAANT THAAAAAAAAAT!!!" sounds like its coming from inside your skull no matter how far the kid is from you

In closing, fuck kids. Condoms are too passive for me now. I need to aggressively prevent children. Im thinking "Penis Armor".

A momentary lapse of judgement

Over the years I've taken a lot of shots at religion and the dull-mindedness caused by religious wish thinking. My mind hasn't changed on this, not in the least. I have though, come to a realization.

Whenever I meet someone who confesses to have been changed for the better by their faith, for the briefest, tiniest of moments it is not the jagged edge of sarcasm or the fiery bloom of my own atheistic values and ideas that I feel rising in my chest, but envy.

Pure, immaculate envy.

The feeling floats momentarily in the pit of my heart like a lost puff of smoke, then gets overrun by the brash voice of my rational mind.

My heart yearns to believe. But the mind has had too long and too much evidence to allow such foolishness. It remembers the wars and the pain. The abject slavery of the infinite will of man. The purposeful tarring of our souls. Religion tells us we are imperfect incomplete beings. And I cannot stand for that.

I doubt that wisp of faith will ever be more than that. But it remains, that last sliver of the God within me.

Growing up in the 90’s: Your first recollection of desire was for a Disney Channel host. She smiles at you her jagged smile filled with CRT scan-lines, flips her Technicolor hair and then raises one delicate, dainty hand to introduce the anthropomorphized rodent god that you must worship if you want to love her. Ah, young romance.

A rant before I start

I've been collecting ideas throughout my entire life. Mostly trivial nonsense, empty concepts like 'God is an energy wave originating at the Big Bang'. Rhetoric like 'take the faith, leave the faithful'.

But the one that stuck finally is this, I believe the universe is more immense, more amazing and more beautiful that we can ever imagine. It will go on no matter what we decide about its origins.

But wouldn't it be a shame if we ended before we saw whats really out there?

And we won't get to see whats out there if we don't buck up as a species.

War? Hunger? Famine? Seriously?

I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the cosmos. You guys can fight this out amongst yourselves.

3.04 am *fart*

Hi, I'm Praveen and I am actually a rather content individual.

For those of you who know me only through this blog, all one of you, it may seem like an unbelievable statement.

It's a habit I've dropped recently that is the cause of this. Writing only when you're depressed or feeling melancholic leads to people thinking you walk around with white makeup and all 28 frowning muscles flexed.

I whistle as I walk. True story.

I whistle so much it annoys my family. My dad once told me that if I whistled at night, ghosts would appear. I love that Asians have all this fantastic folklore to draw on.

I also tend to smile more than should be appropriate. I smile at funerals, at arguments, and when the waiter brings me the wrong order. I smile when someone cuts me off in traffic. I am THAT zen sometimes.

Its moments like those that remind me that all you can do at the end is smile. Though laughing is recommended for true fuck my life moments (pregnancy scares, car accidents, divorces, deaths).

Back to me.

I guess at some point I associated my creative drive with the deep pang of melancholia, and that connection has remained and flourished. Like Pavlov's dog I salivate at the thought of the endorphin high brought on by the joint acts of creation and apathy.

And in the end isn't that the bald man behind the curtain struggling to work the knobs. That we are all constructs of the pain-pleasure centers of the brain. Chemically assisted brainwashed drones. And we provide the chemicals. But if everyone is brainwashed the same way, is anybody?

And on that rhetorical bombshell I end tonights rant.

nowegian wood tee design pat 2

Haruki Murakami

Norwegian Wood releases in a few days. This book is very special to me, more than any other book, even others by Murakami.

As much as I tried not to, I will have insanely high expectations for this movie.

And in celebration, and because I couldnt sleep. Here are two tee shirt/poster designs with quotes from Norwegian Wood and Kafka on the Shore.

If the stars align just right this movie might just change everything.

Heres hoping