Tuesday, September 14, 2010

2 sleepless nights, A rant

All we are all we have and all we can lose are our illusions.

Are you free? Really?

What do you have to do at 2pm today? Gym? Work? Family?

What is that thought that wakes you up every night in throes of fear and sweat? Every night you can almost remember it, and then it fades into the grey fog.

All you, I and every last damn dirty ape has is the illusion that we are free, that we are in control of our lives, and that if we exercise that control rigidly, we can achieve an artificial peace someday. Like a faked orgasm but better. This one comes with a side effect of an uncomfortable lukewarm happiness. A social placebo effect.

Trying to achieve peace takes you farther away from it. Peace and freedom are one. Trying to achieve either destroys what little of each you have.

You take control of your life. Don’t worry everyone does. It’s what we’re trained to do. I plan, you plan we all have plans. We plan to be free one day. Society has taught us that peace is at the end of the Golden Path. Work, fuck, raise some kids, retire and die. Peace is in there somewhere, don’t worry, don’t question, just do.

A man on his deathbed will cling desperately to the hope that in the last second of his life a great light will open in his mind and peace will come flooding in like rain on the Sahara. And as the life leaves his eyes even that scrap of hope becomes void.

What do we get in the end? Most probably our golden years spent in a rusted metal box adjusting the t.v. antenna and shouting at kids.

The irony!

By the time we have time to be free it’s too late. We’re locked into the idea that being free requires something else. Something physical, a car boat house. Something emotional, wife kids family. As long we grip our lives so tightly in search of peace we will never find it. We salivate and pull at society’s leash hungering for this fake meat it’s laid out in front of us our whole lives.


Trying to achieve peace ensures that you fail. Because we don’t know what that is. It’s just a word.

Analogy time: Imagine trying to dig a hole by piling dirt on the ground and calling it a hole.

Peace is losing control. Peace is not wanting anything, or needing anything. Or having anyone need us. Peace is just existing. Just being. Filling a space in the world without any expectation.

Buddha hit it on the head when he preached that material wealth is the cause of all suffering. He didn’t mean just war, hunger, famine and disease. He also meant the suffering caused by us never realizing what real happiness is.

All we can lose are our illusions. No matter what that’s all they can take from us.

Example: You get arrested, you go to jail. You cease to have the illusion that you can do anything you want.
They know this, and just to be safe they create the possibility that these illusions will disappear if we question them.

Abandon the illusion that you have ANY kind of control in your life.
Knowing opens your mind up a bit. Allows you breathing room when before you didn’t even know you needed it.

I have come to a decision that someday all of this has to go. None of it can stay.

I have to lose control before I can’t anymore.

I have to keep only my finger tips on society’s Golden Path, just enough to get by till I can just be.

Just be.

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