Monday, January 9, 2012

Denied Love: Rewrite

Original piece was written sometime in 2006. Rewritten for scriptwriting class.

God watched as they made love. He watched them grunt and moan as the clouds drifted overhead like islands of foam playing across the surface of a cup of coffee. He saw the dirt and broken blades of grass shift and stick to their sweaty bodies. He heard the earth whisper its joy at feeling the warmth of their lovemaking. Life welcomed their love, and it broke his heart to take it away.

“It’s a shame” he said regretfully. “They make a good couple.”

God donned his favourite Armani suit, straightened his tie, and walked up to them.

“Excuse me sir” he says meekly, but his words are lost in the cacophony of their lovemaking.

His breath met hers and formed little clouds of fog in the space between them. Her fingernail raked across his back as she tried to pull him closer than was possible, closer than any two humans could possibly be.

God cried out “Sir!”. But his words still fell on deaf ears because at that moment they lived in a world with a population of two, surrounded by a wall so strong even God could not break it.

But this world was ending, and they knew it. His skin pressed against hers burned like the surface of a dying sun, and his fingers clenched the grass as if to hold them there against a phantom black hole pulling them into the sky. His vision of her blurred as their lovemaking came to a climax, and he could not tell if it was because of his tears or entropy. He lowered his head for one last kiss, one last taste of her teeth and lips before the end.

But it did end, with a moan that echoed across the field. They fell apart, breathless from the effort, and finally noticed their watcher.

“That was lovely,” said God. “But I’m afraid there’s been a mix-up.”

“What kind of mix-up?” he asked.

“The both of you are not supposed to be soul-mates. There was a clerical error in Delivery, and you received the wrong soul”

He nodded slowly and looked at her, her brow coated in sweat.

"I'm sorry" he said to her. "Apparently there's been a mix up, I don't love you."

"I understand" she replied.

God took a step forward. “Now if you would come with me, we'll get this all sorted out".

The man nodded and took God’s hand, and they both vanished.

They were never there.

She lay back on the ground, and felt the warm memory of their sex, it rose out of the earth like dew on a grey-skied morning.

The grass cried silently, it missed the warmth, the play of tangled limbs and the whispered words that had kept them company.

She heard this cry. It resonated within her.

"It’s a shame" she whispered to the grass.

"We made a good couple"

The stars drank in the last of her words. And then she too was gone.

She was never there.


  1. You REALLY need to be more specific with your question. Tak belajar communication theory ke? ohohohohoho